1. Watchlist: Ninja Assassins

    Ninja Assassins (2009)
    Directed by James McTeigue
    Watched on 2/22/2010 - 1st Viewing

    Now *this* is an action movie. Ninja Assassins is a no-holds-bared guys movie, through and through. Blood-letting in buckets, hacked-limbs, weaponry, a bullet to ninja-star ratio to be admired, this is a film that knows what it is and just doesn’t give a crap if you care.

    Largely ignored in its initial theater run, despite its much-trumpeted Wachowski Siblings producing roles, Ninja Assassins will creep up on you when you least expect it. This film contains horrendous acting and an even worse plot. A film where the ninja’s always speak in broken English, even in Japan, at their clan hangout, with no outsiders in sight. A film where the slightest slash of the katana requires a full pint of red-splatter at minimum, while gun-toting good guys unload aimlessly and ineffectively into the darkness. The Rambo of martial arts movies, Ninja Assassins makes the worst of Tarantino’s Kill Bill look like it should be double-featured with Follow That Bird.

    And if nothing above appeals to you personally, skip it.

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