1. Game of Thrones Recap Ep. 6 “A Golden Crown”

    This can be a hard show to watch if you shy away from violence and sex. Fortunately, I had my card punched for a one way ticket to hell about 14 years ago so I have no such hang ups. I imagine if you’re reading this, neither do you, so at least I know I won’t be alone in that lake of fire. Could be worse. You could have colored hot caramel poured all over your head. Then where would you be, Mr. Delicious Head? Dead, that’s where.

    This week opened with Ned waking to see his king and his, ahem, wife standing over him. Cersei accused him of being a whorish drunk and Ned fired back that she was a raging, incestuous See You Next Tuesday. Well, maybe in not so many words. Robert wanted nothing of it because he is but not a man who favors the path of least resistance. He ordered Ned to have Cat release Tyrian and make up with Jamie Lannister. He then put Ned in charge while Robert went on a long hunt.

    Meanwhile in Winterfell, Brann finally got to ride a horse again as the saddle Tyrian designed was completed. Theon rubbed it in about Robb needing to be the man of the house since both Ned and Cat were gone, and Robb told him to mind his own fucking business. I know Theon has got issues what with his own house fallen and he being a ward of the Starks, but Robb was a real dick to him in this scene and particularly the next one. Brann was accosted by some brigands from farther up North, and in the rescue attempt Robb nearly bungled the whole thing. A well-placed arrow from Theon saved the day and scored the Starks a new servant. Hey, wait…

    That looks suspiciously like Natalia Tena, a/k/a Nymphadora Tonks from the Harry Potter movies. Wikipedia pulled through but an initial glance at imdb revealed nothing about this character or this actress. Hmmm, strange. It’s almost as if Harry Potter fans want nothing to do with this show and will militarize to white-wash anyone’s involvement in it. Nah, they aren’t that pathetic, right? I mean, it’s not like they’re a group collectively suffering from arrested development and need to grow the fuck up about matters more serious. I’m totally not trolling a group I belong to here.

    Tyrian, poor chap, had a most rude awakening.

    Indeed, more than once I saw either Caprica or Bill (mostly Bill) stretch and roll right off the bed. Then they would try to play it off like it was nothing. I doubt Tyrian would have been so suave, what with being dead and all. He ended up making a deal with Mord, the jailer of The Eyrie, promising him gold in exchange for getting a message to Lady I’ve-Texted-Your-Bitch-Ass-Sixteen-Motherfucking-Times-Why-Haven’t-You-Called-Me-Back. The sequence that followed was pure gold (not a pun). If Peter Dinklage does not receive some official recognition for his work on this show it will be an outrage. With the help of Bronn, in a most righteous battle of champions, Tyrian won his freedom. It was nice to see Lady Arryan keep to the law of the land, much as it displeased her. There was also this exchange:

    Lady Crazy-head: You do not fight with honor!

    Bronn: No. He did.

    Epic.

    Little Lord Fuck-pants, also called Joffrey, appeared to soften up on Sansa, giving her a gift and promising her a lifetime of queenly stuff. Well that just melted Sansa right down (lots of that going on in this episode) but it was not to last as Ned ordered both Sansa and Arya back to Winterfell. Neither girl was happy about the arrangement but Arya seemed to accept it the quickest. After all, she could keep Syrio and her fighting lessons; Sansa would go alone. Ned promised her to arrange a marriage with a nice Northern (read: Canadian and bland as shit) boy but Sansa wanted nothing of it. In fact, she revealed just how much she cared for Joffrey.

    Finally, Viserys Targaryen met his maker this episode in a scene that had a Tension to Minutes ratio of 250:1. I know it’s satisfying to see a villain get his comeuppance, but there’s always the enjoyment of a slow burn. Also, glibness aside, that has got to be one of the worst ways to die, and Harry Lloyd sold it brilliantly. Oh, and I should clear something up. I’ve heard people (read=Goons) speculate that Daenerys doesn’t appear to feel pain or get burned because she’s suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Even after she says, “He wasn’t a dragon. A dragon can’t be killed by fire,” those goons still think she’s the fragile broken creature. Sure, not only does PTSD numb you from pain, but it also prevent your skin from physically burning and scarring. Idiots. I hate it when people try to project real world bullshit into fantasy shows.

    Episode 7, while shown after episode 6 Sunday night, will not be recapped until next week, after it has aired properly. Thanks for reading!

    - Dave

  2. Notes On A Game of Thrones “The Kingsroad”

    The word I was looking for to describe HBO’s new show A Game of Thrones on last night’s Rotcast was lascivious. I really enjoyed the pilot episode and was pleased that the network kept the show true to the spirit of the book. That spirit, however, is certainly not safe for work.

    I hoped that the second episode would prove the show could keep up its initial momentum. “The Kingsroad” proved quite decisively this is a show that is unlikely to slow down. This week we got to learn more about Jon Snow, the bastard son of Eddard Stark. I think the most revealing details can be portrayed not through dialogue but through actions. Arya’s leaping into his arms and Robb’s sincere hug goodbye laid out more backstory exposition than anything said between the characters.

    The production design on this show is really top notch. HBO certainly should be proud that every dime they spend is right there on screen, such as when we get a first glimpse at The Wall. Jon was teased earlier in the episode by Jaime Lannister for his decision to join the Night Watch. Joining means Jon has to take a vow of celibacy and live with a bunch of dudes in the harsh, frozen environments of the north. My face would be apprehensive too if met with this imposing sight:

    Yikes but I would not want to be under the age of 12 living at that place, nyuck-nyuck. Alas, this would be the only glimpsed seen of The Wall this episode.

    Kudos to the casting director for getting Jack Gleeson on this show, whose previous credits include playing Little Boy in Nolan’s Batman Begins. Joffrey is a little shit in the book for sure but Jack brings that effeminate Little Lord FuckPants look the role desperately needed. I mean, look at this face:

    I’d be nervous as fuck if I knew this little twerp had even a modicum of power.

    Somehow I didn’t think that kind of sass would go over well, and sure enough Joffery was a little bitch about the whole thing. It was quite awesome to see Arya turn the tables on him and I hope to see the following expression on his face more often this season:

    As gratifying as that sequence was, it was bound to have consequences as only inferior shows have villains get their comeuppance so soon. A Game of Thrones will frustrate fans of swift and righteous justice for sure. I thought they might ride the Sansa hate out a little more, but it was hard for to me sustain it after she was double crossed by Cersei.

    Speaking of, Lena Headey is doing a fantastic job of making you forget she’s Lena Headey. I’m reminded of what I overheard some pretentious wanker say after our screening of Win-Win was over. He was talking about Amy Ryan and said, “She’s such a transformative actress.” Um, first of all, she was a whore… I mean, first of all, she was pretty freaking average in that movie and aren’t all actresses supposed to be “transformative?” Lena Headey, however, is a good example of a word that doesn’t even mean anything. “Transformative?” What the hell are our schools teaching? Anyway, compare her in this show to, say, The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Pretty stark difference if you ask me!

    My name is Dave and I give “The Kingsroad” a yes.