1. Game of Thrones Recap Episode 5 “The Wolf and the Lion” 

    I’ve watched this episode twice now, does that make me a pervert? I tried to tell Andrew and James way back when on The Rotcast that this show was icky and filthy but they didn’t believe me. “How can a fantasy show have tits, Dave? Girls and fantasy don’t mix, Hermione Granger not withstanding.” Idiots. I hope they’re happy because this show also had cocks. 

    The show started with Ned trying to figure out how Ser Hugh rose to stardom only to become so much wormfood. He learned only that Hugh was a loner and King Robert was planning on jousting himself. Not having any of that foolishness, Ned went to talk him out of it. It was there the show finally starting giving back to the women in the crowd.

    That’s right. This scene set up Ned starting to finally realize his friend had become something different, something more…drunk. At the joust we were introduced to this shows Legolas, the dashing Ser Loras Tyrell. Now when I say “this show’s Legolas” I mean a character girls can desire because he looks like one and that makes me them sexually confused, more so than they already are. Misogyny, ha! Oh but this young lad is not for our girls, no siree bob.

    Girl: Mommy, what is that boy doing to that man’s waist?

    Mother: Haven’t I told you to go to bed already?

    Ah, who am I kidding? Kids today know more about sex than a French whore. Thanks, internet. Arya continued her dancing lessons, this time literally chasing a cat around the grounds. She ended up in a basement of some sorts where viewers finally got a look at “da’ dragons.” If you had picked episode 5 for first appearance, you won your office pool even though technically they were dragon skulls. Still counts. You can point naysaying bitches to this post. Anyway, Arya overheard Varys the Spider gabbing with Ser Jorah, who clearly traveled a hell of a long way. She learned, well, she learned the plot of the first book in A Song of Ice and Fire and went to spoil it to her father since he, you know, is a part of it. He was about to lay the verbal smackdown on her for being missing when a member of the Night Watch came to say Catelyn Stark had taken The Imp.

    Yeah, taken him to The Eyrie, a big tower connected only to land by a narrow stone bridge. The perfect place for important people to flee, refugee like, in a later episode. Cat reached her sister’s no longer 100% sure of The Imp’s involvement in the Lannisters’ shenanigans. He saved her life during an Hill People ambush and successfully planted the seed of doubt when the party reached The Vale. Unfortunately, Cat hadn’t seen her sister in some time, nor her nephew.

    Wow this was a loaded scene. I could easily see Sansa Stark sitting on that throne, breast feeding an eight year old boy. Not as she is right now, you pervs, but growing into batshit crazy the way some people ease into a hot-tub. Even Cat’s face during this scene showed she could tell the score and it read “Insanity - 6 Lysa Arran - 0”. Poor Tyran was thrown in an open air dungeon, his only method of escape involving time, patience, and someone opening the door for him. Hope he doesn’t have vertigo. 

    Girl: Mommy, why can’t that little girl walk?

    Mother: That’s not a little girl, that’s Brann Stark. Go to bed!

    Normally the end of the third act gives me what I like to call the Douche Moment of the show, but episode 5 didn’t have that. Instead it was jam packed with intrigue as King Robert learned about Daenerys’ pregnancy and raged most righteous. Ned wanted nothing to do with the plot to kill her and her child so promptly resigned when pressured. As he was packing to leave, Littlefinger showed up to take Ned to the last person Jon Arryan visited, but it ended up being just another bastard child. As he was leaving, Jamie showed up, having learned of his brother’s arrest. Ned called an audible and took the full responsibility, protecting his wife. For that Jamie had his men killed and Ned hobbled. I couldn’t quite figure out why Jamie just rode off at the end of the scene instead of taking Ned prisoner. But then, it wasn’t like Ned was going anywhere. Jamie probably need to go let off some steam, relax. Maybe listen to some music.

            

    5 episodes down, 5 to go. 

    - Dave